The last few months have been marked by a certain degree of frustration with delays in the process for a new visa which would give me the option to work here in Malaysia. I am not sure that I want to do that – but I would like to have the choice.

Having spent a number of years contracting or on fixed term assignments I should be a lot better at making the most of my time when I am not working. Instead I find myself treading water rather than taking positive action. One thing I have been trying to move towards the last few weeks is to pace myself with what I want to achieve. A few weeks ago a passing comment about “finishing something one of your existing projects before you start something new” made to my daughter had me reacting quite strongly at an emotional level as this is a criticism I have heard all my life alongside and the people who make it never seem to make the connection to the comment often in the same conversation “you get so much done”.

There is no doubt that for most of us having too much on the go at the same time adds a level of stress to our lives. But I think it is also true that there is an element of temperament in there as well. I am a global rather than a linear thinker – I see the world in webs and patterns of interaction rather in straight lines and consecutive processes. So its logical for me to have multiple options available to me whether it is books to read, craft projects, writing. At any given moment there are so many things I want to explore or make and I really hate it when someone suggests “one thing at a time”.

Interestingly enough coming to that awareness seems to have actually slowed me down to being a bit more thoughtful about what I start (and what I focus on to finish) It was as if by understanding why I don’t stick to one thing at a time and accepting that I will always have heaps of things in process I began applying more of a work discipline of mapping and prioritising to my projects. And I am consciously countering the self talk about having too many projects in process is a bad thing.

I also came across a comment on LinkedIn about rather than judging ourselves for being lazy or procrastinating we should unpack what are the reasons/ feelings about the task that are stopping us getting on with it. As I am also feeling annoyed with myself for not progressing on things like sorting out my CV and updating my profile on job sites that also lead to some soul searching about how I feel about effectively jumping in the cultural deep end of working in another country. I have been working on visualising not only what I want to do but what that experience might “look like” and what I might be able to offer.

And like a shadow – or the haze today which stops me being able to see the Highlands from our balcony – there is the undercurrent of the last ten years where planning, having goals or a future vision all seems a bit pointless as life will take us where it will. So any planning is being done lightly and like my multiple projects I have multiple pathways I am looking down when I envisage what next.